you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
