I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
