My sheets look like a crime scene.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Randomize
