At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
