He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
