I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
