We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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