He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
