Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i need some magic done to my vagina
I FOUND THE LEGS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
