just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
