I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
