I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
