Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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