He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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