She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
