oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
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