I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just made my gag reflex go away.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
