i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
