halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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