Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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