I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
