I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
