Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
