Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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