If that was your dad, he is hot
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
