M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
