I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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