Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
