I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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