I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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