y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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