maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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