i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
