I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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