i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
