In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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