wrigley field is MILF paradise
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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