I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
