After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
