Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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