The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
