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Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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