I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
