last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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