Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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