shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I look better un-naked...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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