threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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