My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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