I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
two words: eviction party
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
