I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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