She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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