Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
