Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
