I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
