wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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