i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize