I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
