things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
