I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize