sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
