Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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