he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
