It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
