is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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