I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
