No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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