i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
