I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
