At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
