there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
