im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
