lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
