wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
