haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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