Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
